apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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