I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
