I just saw a hot homeless man
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
