did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
