Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think im going to throw up on grandma
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
