If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
