Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it's like iHOP with fire
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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