she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
