Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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