This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
