So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
