The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
