I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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