Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Acid is not a monday night drug
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
