I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
