it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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