Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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