we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
