Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
