I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
