come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
