did you get engaged???
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
