dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
