I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
