i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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