There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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