I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
