batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
