I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
