did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
