It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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