He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
