Nicole vs. Life
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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