I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
