I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
