don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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