he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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