So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize