i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
