I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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