I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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