there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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