I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
