if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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