If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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