I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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