you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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