Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
