I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
