i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
