This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
