Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
