Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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