My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I want her autograph on my taint
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
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