ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
