I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
