Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
