Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
