When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
