woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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