Me. At least after what I've been through.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
