Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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