the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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