I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize