Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
