She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
