I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
